


If this feeling flows both ways

by panchase



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24647680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panchase/pseuds/panchase
Summary: Oneshot after Zach and Alex have gone to college, in which Alex comes back to Crestmont every Friday to watch Charlie's football games. Zach happens to be in all of them as a trainee Coach.Alex and Zach's relationship hasn't been the same since they have gone their own ways though.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall (past), Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 20
Kudos: 132





	If this feeling flows both ways

Zach’s emotions were as high as the moon when the Liberty High’s Tigers won that Friday night. He celebrated alongside Coach Kerba - pretty much his mentor at this point - as those in the bleachers roared and the football team either hugged each other or jumped into another teammate’s back. Zach might not be on the field anymore but he found himself feeling something close to what he used to feel before his leg broke. It wasn’t that different to the adrenaline that used to take over his entire body when he played or when he got into fights. Just more grounded. An healthy medium he never thought he would have. Since losing his dad and everything that followed afterwards, Zach would never think of the word “healthy” to describe anything in his life.

And that’s when he saw Alex. He felt his lips broadening to the automatic smile the sight of his friend brought. His dirty blonde hair disheveled due to the wind, his hands hidden in the warmth of his jacket pockets. For some reason, Alex always felt cold. 

Zach was so focused on him, he didn’t even notice Charlie run past him into his boyfriend’s arms. Zach quickly looked away, feeling like he was intruding into his friends’ private moment. He missed how Alex’s own smile whilst hugging Charlie was a bit more hesitant than all the other ones on all the other weekends when he visited, how the hug was quick and almost impersonal. How Alex’s eyes scanned the football field looking for _him_ but not finding Zach who had already walked away to the locker room. 

* * *

Zach woke up with his phone buzzing under him. He didn’t even remember falling asleep and how his phone ended up under his body was certainly a mystery. He reached for it and threw it to the other side of the bed without even checking what the notification was. He should have muted it though because whoever was texting seemed unable to send it all in one go. Zach groaned, picked up the phone just to check if it was worth waking up that early for (his digital clock said 8:09 am - who texted at that hour on a saturday?) and felt all the sleepiness he had left vanish.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

 **alex (8:08 am):** hey

 **alex (8:08 am):** so

 **alex (8:08 am):** i’m in town 

**alex (8:09 am):** but you probably already know that

 **alex (8:09 am):** anyways...

 **alex (8:09 am):** do you wanna hang out

\---------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t weird that Alex was texting him. In fact, they texted at least once a day even if it was just a random thought Zach had in the shower and felt the need to _immediately_ share it with Alex - mostly ending up with an eye-roll emoji response from the blonde - or Alex sending him a screenshot of a sarcastic tweet about current events.

What was weird was Alex asking him to hang out. Since going to college, they fell into a weird dynamic where their virtual selves got along as well as they always had but the same couldn’t be said regarding their in-person selves. Texting? Daily. DMs? Whenever one posted a story on Instagram, the other felt the need to say something, even if it was just a bickering comment. Phone calls? At least once a week whenever Alex complained about his fingers being too tired to text (it started during his recovery from the suicide attempt but he never seemed to let that go). They even facetimed sometimes. Zach was always finding an excuse to do so, writing and writing songs so he could sing them to Alex over Facetime. Not as often as he wished though, ending up sometimes writing songs that he felt hit a bit too close to home. But seeing Alex was worthy – Zach missed his face more than he wished to admit.

Alex actually came to Crestmont every Friday to visit his family and watch every single football game Charlie played. And Zach also happened to be in every single football game under Coach Kerba’s wing, as a coach himself. One of those Fridays, about two months ago, after an unfortunate loss, Alex had asked Zach to hang out the following weekend. Not even realizing how his words sounded before coming out of his mouth Zach had said in what could be described as a bitter tone “Why? Is Charlie busy?”

Zach felt like absolute shit when he saw the look on Alex’s face, it was as if he had slapped him. He wanted to take his words back, not even sure why he had said them in the first place. It’s not like Alex had replaced him with Charlie, Alex still made quite some time for Zach actually. However, it would still sting when Zach was alone on his bed scrolling through his Instagram feed and noticed that Charlie had posted _yet another_ picture of Alex or of the both of them. And he was happy for them, he really was. Yet that didn’t stop a heavy weight settling inside the pit of his stomach.

Zach came to the conclusion he was just protective of Alex and didn’t feel like anyone was good enough for him. Charlie was close to it though, he had to recognise that.

Alas, his snarky comment might have costed him some of the coveted quality time he so wanted to spend with Alex. Whenever they saw each other in person at games, they’d just wave or if he was feeling brave, Zach would start some small talk. He had thought about talking about it whenever they texted or talked on the phone but he had this fear he would somehow ruin it.

Deep in thought, he felt his phone vibrate in his hands. He had been reading and rereading Alex’s texts and somewhere along the way, he had lost himself in thoughts. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

 **alex (8:22 am):** if you’re busy, thats cool

 **_reply_ ** **(8:22 am)**

Your house?

 **alex (8:23 am):** sounds good to me

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Zach had quickly showered, spent more time than he would like to admit choosing what to wear and trying to flatten his fluffy hair before driving to the Standall’s household where he was received by Alex’s father.

“Oh! Zach” He said, surprised, but still affectionate enough. “I assumed you would be Charlie. Come on in. It's early. You want something to eat?”

In the rush to get there, Zach had not eaten but seeing Alex was at the top of his priority list. His dad seemed to understand this without the need for any exchanged words besides “He’s in his bedroom.”

Zach rushed up the stairs, coming face to face with Alex’s closed bedroom door. His knuckles barely touched the wood but the sound was enough for a soft “come in” to erupt from the other side.

Alex was sprawled on his bed, his eyes glued to his phone. This wasn’t anything new. Zach was so used to it, spending some of his best moments of the past couple years inside this bedroom, Alex always close by. But being here - and more, importantly, _seeing_ Alex, in such a relaxed fashion around him like the old times and not distant while a football game occurs in the background or through the way too small screen of his phone - was enough to make Zach’s heart skip a beat.

“I want to do something reckless.” Alex said, having put his phone down and staring directly into Zach.

“Wait. What? Why?” Zach’s confusion quickly turned into worry, not quite sure what Alex deemed as ‘reckless’.

“Calm down. It’s not… whatever is on your mind. Actually, what is on your mind? Because I’m not even sure what kind of recklessness I want to pull.”

“Did you take something? Not that I’m judging but it’s 9 am. So, yeah, I guess I’m pretty much judging.” 

Alex rolled his eyes in response as he sat up on the bed. “Shut up. I didn’t take anything, I just realized I never did anything reckless to… simply enjoy it. All I’ve done has been either self destructive or to protect others.I want that teenage fun I’ve missed. Like, I don’t know. Let’s plan a trip. What do you think of that? ”

“How is planning a trip reckless?”

“It is if you don’t even know where you are going. You are just driving into the sunset. Just you and me. We don’t even need to tell anyone.” That and the look on Alex’s face, his eyes bright and alive, was enough for Zach to feel a unexplainable tingling on his hands, the good kind. He sat next to Alex on the bed, not too close so to not invade his space. In other words, not close enough.

“It would be nice to finish off the first year of college before going all Thelma and Louise.”

“Yeah, let’s wait until summer to start killing people and running from the police again. Just Zach and Alex things.” Alex murmured, a sly smile on his face.

“Just a typical tuesday for us.” Zach bit back.

A comfortable silence settled between them as they stared each other down. Something about it - perhaps the energy between them - reminded Zach of the moment before they kissed, nights and nights ago. It was in the past but Zach thought about it so often, one would think it had just occurred. Alex shifted on the bed and Zach felt himself hold his breath, waiting for what would happen next. To his disappointment, Alex ended up getting up and pacing around the room for no apparent reason before sitting down on his desk chair. Zach felt a pang flooding through his chest and his mouth dry at the thought that Alex wanted to put even more distance between them. He barely had any time to settle into this feeling before hearing Alex’s voice breaking the silence:

“Hmm. Charlie and I… we broke up.”

“What?” Zach’s world stopped right at that moment, unsure if he had heard it right. 

“Yeah… last night.”

“Why? Did he do something?” Zach was agitated now, a swirl of feelings taking over his body. But taking his over mind was the thought about how he wouldn’t have to see any more pictures of Alex in Charlie’s arms with overly flirty captions on the latter’s instagram. How Alex was now single. Not that mattered, really. Why was _that_ what crossed his mind?

“Charlie didn’t do anything… I just realized I didn’t feel the same way as when we started dating... Or maybe I just can’t handle watching another football game.” Alex replied dryly. Zach stared blankly in response, trying to clear his mind, trying to put meaning into Alex’s words. “That was a joke. Or, at least, an attempt. Tough audience.” Alex added when Zach stayed mute.

“No, sorry. Yeah.” Zach shook his head an as attempt to find the right words and to not just blurt out _Ohmygod you’re s i n g l e_. “I’m just… surprised, I suppose. Whenever Charlie talks about you… I assumed you guys were fine. How… how are you feeling?”

 _"_ I'm okay..." Alex pauses, the look on his face revealing he wants to say something more and wondering if he should do it. "Is it bad if I say I thought it'd hurt more?" he ends up whispering.

Zach's back straightened. In what he thought it appeared nonchalance, he murmured back: "What... what do you mean by that?"

Alex felt his cheeks heating up, regretting leading the conversation down this path. "The break up… Y’know, I've been in love before... I know what that's like. I thought what Charlie and I had... I thought it was love cause no one has ever wanted me before the way I wanted them and it felt different. It felt good. Jess, she was never as into me as I was into her. You..." Alex's eyes drifted from Zach's inquiring ones, his voice suddenly strained. He rolls his eyes to mask his embarrassment as if he's over what happened with the other boy. Alex regained his confidence and continued: "Winston... He says he genuinely liked me at some point and maybe that's true but... I know it didn't started that way. And Charlie. Charlie was different from that. A different experience for me. But I think that's all it was."

Zach's eyebrows raised at that and Alex saw the look of surprise on his face. He assumes the worst.

"Shit. You probably think I'm a terrible person for this, right?" Alex covered the regret splashed on his face with his hands, afraid that Zach thought differently of him then. "I swear I _do_ care about Charlie, I didn't mean to play with his feelings or anything..." Alex's train of thought got lost somewhere on his mind when he felt Zach's warm hands on his. They were big and a bit dry but were holding his with such gentleness, Alex felt a shiver run down his back. Zach was no longer on the bed, he was in his knees in front of Alex who was still seated on his chair. 

“I could never think of you as a terrible person” Zach stated with a conviction Alex has never seen in his friend before. “It’s not your fault feelings are...” He pauses trying to find the right word, settling for “complicated”. A word Zach is way too familiar with, a word he would use to describe his own emotions at all times but especially when he’s around Alex.

“I think everything in our lives has been complicated enough” Alex answered with a humourless laugh.

“I don’t know if it will but… I’d like to think one day it will be easy. That’s what keeps me going.” 

Alex nodded at that. “It’s easy with you.”

Zach opened his mouth but closed it right after, unsure how to respond. He diverted his eyes when he changed the subject by asking: "So Jess... was she the only one you've been in love with? Is she like your true love or something?" 

“Please don’t make me say it.”

“Say what?”

Alex just looked into Zach’s eyes, his clear blue against Zach’s warm brown. After just a few seconds that felt like hours, their hands still tied together, Alex saw the understanding spread on his friend’s face. 

“Are you sure? Maybe it was just hormones.” Zach tried to played it off as a joke but his voice broke. Then he continued in barely a whisper that Alex would have missed if they weren’t so close ( _Had Zach gotten even closer?_ ): “Why would you love me? You deserve someone better.”

Alex started laughing. It was a small laugh at first but suddenly became uncontrollable. Zach was taken back at first but as soon as it started, Alex’s laugh diminished. With a smile on his face that exposed his underlying affection for Zach, Alex simply stated “You’re the most ridiculous person. I’ve been in love with you for the past two years, you dumbass. I didn’t make a choice to love you, it just… came naturally. Because you’re worth loving.”

Zach got stuck in Alex’s words, unsure if he heard them right. “Do you mean you’re _still_ in love with me?”

“Shit.” Alex closed his eyes and his cheeks turned slightly redder. “I didn’t… I mean, yeah, I still have some kind of… feelings for you. But I didn’t, I didn’t mean to say it and make it weird. Sorry, I–” 

The boy didn’t finish, feeling Zach tightening his hands around his. He was looking at him, something indecipherable about the look on his face. Zach’s face got closer to Alex’s, just a breath between them. Alex heard him say: “Alex, you might be weird but nothing you can say can weird me out.” Then, in what was an unexpected and unexplainable moment for Alex, Zach kissed his left cheek, so close to his lips. And he kept kissing him, his lips slowly and softly taking over Alex’s. The kisses were mostly chaste but then Zach opened his mouth, the tip of his tongue touched the slit between Alex’s lips.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked, his voice low.

“Sorry” Zach said, embarrassed and immediately stopping. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No. Please, don’t ever stop.... I just… I wanted to make sure you wanted to do this.”

“This is what I’ve wished I had done months ago. After we kissed. But I was too much of a coward to do that.”

Alex smiled. He took his hands from Zach’s grip so he could frame his face with them, so he could run his fingers through his dark locks. “I’m glad you were brave just now.” Zach smiled, a teeth showing kind of smile. It broadened as Alex got closer, their foreheads touching, then their noses and, finally, their lips.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a quick draft that I decided to share but I hope you guys enjoyed it <3  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
